"My eyes are open and usually I get the
sense that something in the room is
happening, so it’s more like
apprehension. It’s a sort of belief that
something’s going to go off and then a
shape gathers, a sort of black, small

black cloud gathers and it’s the devil…
a monster. And it comes onto me and
I can feel its weight and basically the
belief is that it’s holding me and that
it’s going to drag me down into an
abyss… I can feel sensations on my
body, it’s multi-sensory. I can sort of
smell it too. I feel sensations in my
body like in a lift, I feel like I’m going
down… I can’t move, certainly. Well,
I try but it never works. Usually all
I can do is make a kind of hum in my
throat and try to make a feedback
cycle, make that louder, as it gets
louder the more awake I get, the
more I can do until I can eventually
perhaps shout. And that wakes me
up, properly wakes me up."
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